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Parenting a child with ADHD can be both rewarding and challenging, filled with unique fears and uncertainties. Many parents worry about how ADHD will affect their child's ability to fit in with peers, meet deadlines, and navigate school or future life transitions. These concerns are valid, but they don't have to dictate your child's future. In this blog post, we’ll explore five common fears parents of children with ADHD face and offer actionable strategies to help your child thrive. With the right support and perspective, you can empower your child to turn potential obstacles into opportunities for growth.
Many parents worry that ADHD and the supports that come with it will make their child feel "different" or "othered." However, when kids work to discover what they're passionate about and what they're great at, they develop goals for the future and learn to see their differences as their greatest assets in achieving those goals.
Folks with ADHD are often very creative, out-of-the-box thinkers. They are caring, compassionate friends and often quite hard-working and resilient individuals. Folks with ADHD also tend to be extremely energetic, passionate, and enthusiastic, making them great members of any team. When folks with ADHD figure out what they’re passionate about and understand how these strengths will help them achieve their goals, they won’t worry about being different, but will instead see their differences as assets.
Many parents worry that their child turning in school assignments late (or not at all) means that they'll struggle to meet work deadlines later in life. There are a lot of reasons why students with ADHD struggle to turn in assignments. Many lack the proper Executive Functioning skills such as task initiation, organization, and prioritization, but they can grow these skills over time. Similarly, many students have not yet figured out the right tools to support their needs . Sometimes they feel overwhelmed with school work. Oftentimes one missed deadline can damage a student’s confidence, leading to a cycle of avoidance and stress. In all of these cases, working with your child to develop their Executive Functioning skills and finding the tools that will set them up for success will help them manage these missing assignments.
Sometimes missing assignments aren’t about skills or tools, and can have other contributing factors. If there is a lack of consequence for missed deadlines, it can be difficult for students to grasp the importance of meeting a deadline. Creating accountability is key in ensuring students meet deadlines. Sometimes students struggle to see the point in school. It can be difficult to conceptualize the long-term payoff in the short-term. This is especially true if your child does not have a long-term vision for the future. When their goals are vague or undefined, it can be difficult to connect to their long-term benefits. In these cases, working with your child on setting goals and intentions for the future can help them feel more motivated to meet deadlines. It's easy to worry that a struggle now means a struggle for life, but teens and young adults are highly capable of growing, changing, and evolving with the right supports.
Many parents worry what struggling in school will do to their child's confidence, which is important, because we know confidence is essential to success. The most important thing you can do to combat this fear is to celebrate your child often, and celebrate process over product. This includes celebrating any and all growth or improvement (going from 10 missing assignments to 8 is growth!) Another great thing to celebrate is any attempts to try a new strategy, even if it doesn’t work. This might look like telling your child "Amazing job writing in your planner this week!" "I've noticed you started setting an alarm to remind you to start homework, awesome idea!" or "I'm so proud of you for asking your teacher for help on that assignment!" When we celebrate their efforts and strategies rather than the outcome, there are more opportunities to boost their confidence.
Your child’s hard work is another aspect to celebrate often. Always notice and emphasize your child working hard and putting in effort, regardless of the results. Consider celebrating wins outside of traditional achievement, such as your child's kindness, creativity, and other skills. Be sure to meet these acknowledgements with the same enthusiasm as traditional achievements like grades, awards, and sports wins. It's important to adopt this mindset in your own life as well. Don't just celebrate these types of wins for your child. Celebrate process in your own life and verbally acknowledge these types of wins for your spouse, friends, and family members. When it becomes normalized to celebrate process over results, your child will internalize this message and better appreciate their own wins.
Parents of teens with ADHD spend a lot of time supporting their children and trying to provide them with the resources and support they need to be successful. For this reason, it's natural to worry "how will they survive when I'm not there?" While college is a new challenge and a culture shock for many students, young adults with ADHD can truly thrive in college if they have the right support. This blog post outlines some helpful tips for students to set themselves up for success when beginning college. Some key points that can help are developing a strong system around planning and organizing their week. Schedules are much more fluid in college, and a calendar tool plus a strong routine around it is essential to effectively managing time. Getting in the habit of putting everything they want to remember in their phone can be hugely supportive. Have them set alarms to go off at the specific time where they need to remember the item to help keep them on track. (Bonus points for a secondary reminder in case they miss the first one!)
Finally, practicing and developing self-advocacy skills before they get to college. Make sure they know how and where to ask for help, and feel comfortable doing so. Office hours are immensely helpful for students, as are resources centers such as an Accessibility Office. While college can be difficult and scary, living on one's own is such an important step in becoming an independent adult. With the right tools and support, students with ADHD can truly thrive in college and have an incredible experience of growth and self-discovery.
Fear of failure has a tighter hold on Gen Z than any generation before them. Fear of a child's failure also has a tight grip on the parents of Gen Z. It can be difficult to watch your child fail and see them become discouraged. But there is hope! One of my favorite quotes (sometimes attributed to Churchill, but actual origin unknown) is "Success is moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." As much as we want to avoid it, failure is inevitable. And the more we get used to it, the more we normalize it, the more we appreciate it for the incredible lessons and growth it can offer us, the less scary it becomes. So, the key to combating fear of failure is to FAIL MORE. Fail often, and fail harder each time.
Along the way, shower your child with positive affirmation and encouragement to keep going. Celebrate the process they make. Celebrate their hard work and their willingness to keep trying. Acknowledge every step they make along the way and notice all of the growth they experience as a result. Talk about your own failures and the lessons you've learned from them. Make failure an exciting part of life, rather than a scary one. The more normal failure feels, the less power it holds over us.
Parents play such a crucial role in supporting children with ADHD, as their primary advocate and means of support. However, sometimes the support of parents and teachers doesn’t quite get the child to their full potential. That’s where an ADHD coach can come in. YA Success Coach offers personalized coaching for teenagers in improving Executive Functioning and building habits that will improve their lives. Our individualized approach emphasizes getting to know your child, what systems will be supportive for them, and what factors inhibit their success. From there, we work with your child to develop systems that are uniquely supportive to their specific needs and provide them with the individualized support they need to help them stick to these systems. Contact us today to learn more about how success coaching can help your teen.
Having a conversation is the first step to helping your child realize their full potential and set them up for success!