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One of the largest indicators of independence is one’s ability to manage their own schedule and time. Many parents of teens can feel frustrated when their child has not gained this level of independence, often feeling overwhelmed by the demands of managing both their own schedules and their child’s. As teens get older and get involved in more activities and have more to do, these schedules become complicated for a parent to manage. However, often times, the idea of transferring this responsibility over to a teen can seem even more daunting. All teens will struggle with this transition at first, and those with ADHD and other Executive Functioning difficulties can have an even harder time. This blog post outlines some tips to help you get started in supporting your teen’s independence with managing their own schedule.
The best thing you can do to help your teen manage their own schedule is to ensure that their schedule lives somewhere other than their own head. The simplest place to establish a calendar is in your child’s cell phone, as it is an item that they likely always have with them. However, if your child doesn’t have a phone or does not like to use technology, a planner or scheduler might be preferable.
In either case, helping your teen to use a calendar is a huge step in managing their own schedule. Help them set up all recurring events in their lives, such as school, practices, meetings, or recurring appointments. Then, help them populate their calendar with any events that are coming up. In the ideal case, every single event that requires your child to be somewhere or do something at a specific time should be on their calendar to prevent them from needing to rely on their memory. It is likely that they will need some help in setting up their calendar, but once it’s been fully set up, they will be better equipped to begin using it independently.
Once their calendar is properly set up, creating reminders around events is an extremely useful way to ensure that your child is managing their own schedule properly. It will take time to build the habit around checking their calendar regularly. In truth, some teens may never check their calendar as regularly as would be optimal. For this reason, it’s a good idea to set up alerts, reminding them about each event. Depending on the nature of the event, the alert might need to be ten minutes before, an hour before, or a day before. The proper amount of time is the time needed for your child to be at the required place on time.
If using a phone calendar, you can easily set up a reminder when inputting the event. For other systems, consider utilizing reminders and alarms on phones. Depending on the teen, you might also want to set up multiple reminders. For example, if they have a big event the next day, they might want a reminder 24 hours before to remind them it’s coming, then an hour before to remind them it’s time to leave. These reminders will help your child manage their time on their own and relieve them of needing to remember every upcoming event.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, every organizational tool is only as good as the habits we build around them. For this reason, it’s not enough to simply build out a calendar. Your teen will need to build habits around using their calendar. Help them build routines around inputting items to their calendar as they discover them. For example, if they have a part time job, they should input their whole schedule into their calendar as soon as they receive it. If they learn about an event at school, they should immediately input it into their calendar.
As a secondary step, building a routine around inputting items at a regular time can be immensely helpful. Many teens will forget to input an item into their calendar the moment they hear about it. This is especially true if they aren’t yet used to using their calendar. For this reason, they should have a regular time, daily, biweekly, or weekly, that they are looking at their calendar and checking if anything is missing. This routine will involve looking at the week ahead and verifying that everything coming up is in their calendar. If they engage in this routine regularly, over time, it will help them build the habit of inputting their calendar automatically.
An important part of committing to supporting your child in managing their own schedule is to commit to communicating any important dates or events they should know about. It’s essential that you share any and all events that should make their way into your child’s calendar. It is helpful to both share the event and remind them to input it into the calendar, such as, “Thursday we’re having dinner at Grandma’s. Make sure you put it in your calendar for 6 PM.” Even if you are planning on bringing your child to an event, making sure all events that involve them are in their calendar will help them have more awareness and autonomy over their own time.
In every endeavor aimed at helping your child gain independence, it’s essential to remember that your goal is to provide support and to gradually release that support over time. If you’ve been managing your child’s schedule for a long time, it will be important to remind yourself to allow your child to manage it on their own, even if that means occasionally being late or missing something.
A great way to gradually release support is to have some sort of access to your child’s calendar. With both Google Calendar and iPhone calendars, they can easily share their calendar with you. This is a great way to keep tabs on your child’s schedule without actually reminding them of what they need to do. It will allow you to remind them if they are about to miss something crucial, without overstepping and reminding them of every single task. It also allows you to verify if they’ve added an event you shared with them, allowing you to remind them again to add it if they forget. Sharing calendars is a great middle step that will allow your child to have more independence over their schedule while still allowing you to support them when they need it.
Some teens need more support than others when it comes to organization and other Executive Functioning difficulties. While parents can do a lot to support their child, sometimes they might need an expert to help. YA Success Coach offers 1-1 coaching sessions for teens to support them in building systems that are supportive to their unique needs and centered around building independence for long-term success. If you think your child might benefit from more specialized support in Executive Functioning, contact me today to learn about the different options available.
Having a conversation is the first step to helping your child realize their full potential and set them up for success!