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Building a habit can feel like a daunting task for anyone. Finding the momentum to get started on a new habit is hard enough, but actually keeping it going long enough to truly incorporate it into our lives can feel like an insurmountable task. While building habits is difficult for adults, it’s even more difficult for teens, still learning to navigate the world, manage their lives, and deal with their constantly changing internal and external worlds. When you then throw in Executive Functioning challenges into the mix, building a new habit can feel near impossible. However, teens with ADHD and other Executive Functioning challenges are totally capable of building new habits, they just might need a little support. Use the list of tips below to help your child build new habits in their life.
A habit cannot be built if a person does not want to build a habit. For this reason, the most important thing to do when supporting your child in building a habit is to make sure this habit is important to them. Most parents could probably list multiple habits they’d like their child to build. Perhaps it’s regularly cleaning their room, waking up on time, checking their planner every night, or taking out the trash on trash days. It’s likely that your child has their own list of habits they might like to build, and this list might be quite different from yours.
Talk to your child about what habits they might like to build. If there’s an area of overlap, start there and offer to help them build this habit. If there’s no overlap, start with a habit that your child wants to build that will be valuable for them. Once they’ve gone through the practice of building a habit, they’re more likely to be receptive to following the process again with future habits. The most important thing is that your child is receptive to help and actively wants to build this habit in their life. Once they’ve bought in to both the idea of building the habit and receiving support, your work can begin.
Typically, the desire to build a habit stems from a larger vision for a big change in one’s life. Often times, you, your child, or both, might have a vision for their life to be completely different. Perhaps one where they’re always on time, always organized, and never stressed. While these goals are great ones to have, building a habit means starting small. Think about the smallest change your child can make in pursuit of a bigger goal. For example, if they have a goal of getting to school on time every day, start with just setting their alarm each evening. Once that habit is fully built, they can build on it and add things such as ensuring they always get up at their alarm, creating a supportive morning routine, and eating a healthy breakfast each day. It’s great to have bigger goals in mind, but keep changes as small as possible to maximize the chance of success.
Changes to lifestyle and routine are hard to stick to, and habits are hard to build. For this reason, it’s important to create systems around any habits that remove human error as much as possible. If you want your child to build a habit of checking their planner every day, build in a daily reminder in their phone that can be set once and left on. Don’t leave it up to their memory or yours, allow them to fall back on a system that’s created reminders for them. Permanent checklists that live on a wall or the fridge can be extremely helpful in habits around specific routines or chores, as can highly visible calendars. Tailor your system to the task at hand, but focus on creating a system that allows your child to operate on autopilot.
A common problem that many people run into when attempting to build a habit is that they invest all of their energy in the initial setup, and not enough on the follow through. Buying a new planner, organizing bedroom shelves, or buying an alarm clock can feel exciting and are important steps to building habits. However, consistency is the real goal. For this reason, when setting up an initial system, consider what types of reminders to use the system and follow through on the habit you’ll have in place.
A daily reminder on a phone can be a useful tool, as can a visual reminder on a fridge or a bathroom mirror. Consider follow-up reminders as well. For example, if your child is going to check in on their homework every day at 6 PM, they probably need a 6PM reminder. However, if they’re going to do this independently, it might be helpful to have a second reminder at 6:30 to make sure they’ve dove into the task. At the beginning of building a more challenging habit, it might be valuable for you to remind your child, but be sure to have a plan for switching to a more independence-focused routine over time.
When supporting your child in building a habit, it’s normal to be quite involved in the beginning. You might be right alongside them getting the tools set up that are needed for success. You might also be prompting them with reminders, checking in that they’ve indeed gotten out of bed or completed their schoolwork. If you truly want your child to build a habit, though, it must become something that they can do without their parent’s prompting. For this reason, make a plan for how you’ll support them in building independence over time. Perhaps you’ll begin with daily reminders that will then fade to twice per week, then once per week, then less frequently from there. Perhaps you’ll ask your child to show you their planner nightly, but then less frequently over time. Being your child’s accountability partner can be incredibly helpful in supporting them to build a habit, but in order for them to truly incorporate it into their life they must ultimately do it on their own.
As with any endeavor in the realm of growth and self-improvement, it’s important to remember to emphasize progress over perfection. Even after a habit is built, your child will have missteps. They might forget to take out the trash here and there. They might even fall off the habit completely, and need some support getting back on track. In these moments, it’s essential to offer your child both grace and support. Understand that building and sticking to habits is difficult, and let them know it’s okay to fall short sometimes. At the same time, offer support in getting them back on track, recognizing when they might need increased reminders or a change to the system they’ve built. When your child feels supported, they are much more likely to feel motivated to stick to and even rebuild a habit.
Building habits is a long, challenging process, and teenagers, particularly those who struggle with Executive Functioning, often need a lot of support. A caring parent can go a long way, but sometimes it’s necessary to call in a professional. YA Success Coach offers personalized support for teenagers in building habits that will improve their lives. We focus particularly on organization, time management, and goal-setting, developing systems that are uniquely supportive to your child’s specific needs and providing them with the individualized support they need to help them stick to these systems. Contact us today to learn more about how success coaching can help your teen.
Having a conversation is the first step to helping your child realize their full potential and set them up for success!