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If your child has ADHD, you’ve probably had mixed experiences interacting with your child’s teachers and trying to get them the support they need. Your child has probably had teachers who just seem to “get it” and really help your child be successful, while others might struggle to support them. You’ve probably also experienced varying levels of communication, ranging from radio silence to overcommunication. This dynamic can be challenging, as a good rapport with your child’s teachers is extremely helpful in ensuring your child gets the support they need. From the perspective of a former teacher, this post outlines some tips for communicating effectively with your child’s teachers to ensure a good relationship and the support your child needs.
Your number one goal in interacting with your child’s teacher should be to foster a positive working relationship. For this reason, one of the best things you can do to start your relationship off on the right foot is to begin with a warm introduction. A donation of school supplies can go a long way with teachers, as will a handwritten card saying something as brief as “I’m excited to get to know you this school year, thank you for all that you do!” If these gestures are outside of your means, even a positive email can go a long way, introducing yourself and expressing your excitement for the upcoming school year.
In this first interaction, avoid going into the specifics about your child and your needs, instead focusing on your relationship with the teacher. Teachers have an extremely stressful job, so make sure they know that you are on their side and view supporting your child as a team effort. A show of appreciation goes a long way with teachers and will make them much more willing to go the extra mile in their communication down the line.
If your child has a 504 plan and/or receives accommodations for their ADHD, be sure to review the specifics of their accommodations early on in the year. It is easy to forget exactly what supports your child receives, and making sure you are informed will help you effectively communicate with your child’s teacher. It is a common mistake for a parent to send an upset email to a teacher because their child did not receive extra time on a test, only for the parent to find out that the accommodation was written out of the 504 plan the year before. When you are fully informed on the supports your child needs and is entitled to, you will be able to communicate openly and effectively with your child’s teacher about this plan.
While your child’s teacher has access to your child’s 504 plan and is likely to read it at the beginning of the school year, it is often difficult for teachers to keep track of exactly who receives what accommodation, especially when managing sixty 504 plans and forty IEPs at the same time. When you have a positive working relationship with your child’s teacher, you can help them remember the supports that are necessary for your child in a way that helps your child and lets their teacher know that you are working toward the same goal.
One of the most common mistakes that parents make is failing to ask their child’s teacher for updates. After initially introducing yourself to your child’s teacher, it is perfectly acceptable (and advisable) to email their teacher to ask how your child is doing. Many parents become frustrated when they don’t hear from their child’s teachers, especially when there are months of silence until something goes wrong. However, it is very difficult for teachers to manage frequent updates for all students, especially in middle and high school where many teachers have 150 students or more. For this reason, it’s a good idea to reach out to your child’s teacher to ask for updates on your child.
When asking for updates, be sure to manage your expectations. A weekly email might be too much for your child’s teacher to sustain for an entire school year. However, during a particularly challenging time, you might email them more frequently, then drop down to 1-2 times per month. Don’t expect a lengthy letter from your child’s teacher each time, and, if there is something more detailed to discuss, it’s better to suggest a phone call. However, when a teacher receives a quick email from a parent saying something like “Just wanted to check in and see if there are any positive updates or any areas of concern for my child,” teachers will be excited to interact with a parent who cares and grateful that the parent is taking the initiative to receive updates.
The most important thing to remember when interacting with your child’s teachers is that you are all on the same team, and you all have the same goal: support your child and ensure that they are successful. When teachers do not deliver the supports your child needs, it is easy to get frustrated and angry. However, it’s essential to remind yourself that your child’s teacher wants to help them and that a positive working relationship is the best way to support your child. If your child is struggling or their teacher does something that upsets you, avoid sending an angry email. If you are upset, wait to send the email until you are calmer. Remind yourself that a teacher’s job is to care about and support students, and that their job is extremely demanding and difficult. Allow grace, room for mistakes, and prioritize maintaining a good relationship with your child’s teacher.
Another great way to build a relationship with your child’s teacher and ensure positive communication is to limit email correspondence to quick, clear communication. When sending a quick update about your child, communicating about an absence, or asking a simple question, email is the most efficient way to communicate. However, if you’re dealing with a more complex concern or issue, email quickly leads to misunderstandings and frustration. If you’re looking to have a more detailed conversation with your child’s teacher, request a phone call or in-person meeting with them. The ability to talk out the problem will not only strengthen your relationship, but it will lead to better communication and a better outcome for your child.
Parents play such a crucial role in supporting children with ADHD, as their primary advocate and means of support. However, sometimes the support of parents and teachers doesn’t quite get the child to their full potential. That’s where an ADHD coach can come in. YA Success Coach offers personalized coaching for teenagers in improving Executive Functioning and building habits that will improve their lives. Our individualized approach emphasizes getting to know your child, what systems will be supportive for them, and what factors inhibit their success. From there, we work with your child to develop systems that are uniquely supportive to their specific needs and provide them with the individualized support they need to help them stick to these systems. Contact us today to learn more about how success coaching can help your teen.
Having a conversation is the first step to helping your child realize their full potential and set them up for success!