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For some teens, keeping their room clean is a struggle that can lead to constant battles with parents. Wanting autonomy over their bedroom is a very natural part of growing up, as teenagers seek more independence and more control over their decisions and their environment. However, for teens who struggle with executive functioning, a messy room isn’t so much an active choice, as a struggle to stay organized. For this reason, I’ve compiled this list of tips to help you support your teen in keeping their room clean while respecting their independence.
Our environment has a huge impact on our attitude, energy levels, and general well-being. When we have an environment that is conducive to productivity, we’re more likely to be productive. When our environment is restful, we’re more likely to feel rested. In the same vein, if we have an environment that is chaotic, we’re much more likely to feel unsettled. While it’s normal for teens to embrace control over their environment and sometimes feel resistant to cleaning, especially when enforced by adults, it’s also important to understand how a chaotic bedroom can impact their mental state.
If your teen has ADHD or struggles with Executive Functioning difficulties, they might feel overwhelmed by the task of cleaning a messy room or keeping it organized. In this case, every time they step into their messy room, it’s a reminder of their struggles and can be an additional source of stress and overwhelm. In this case, your teen might need some support getting their room clean and keeping it that way. Follow the tips below to help support your teen while respecting their autonomy over their environment.
The first and most important step in supporting your teen in keeping their room clean is to have an honest conversation with them. This conversation should be calm, honest, and free from any frustration or resentment. Start by asking your teen how they feel about their room and why they think it’s important to keep it clean. Chances are, your teen will note that the messiness is a source of stress and will perhaps express that it feels impossible to keep clean. At this time, it can be helpful to share the impacts of a clean or messy room listed in the section above. Once your teen has bought into the idea of a clean room, ask them if they would like to work together to redesign their room to be more functional and supportive. It’s essential that your teen is willing to work as a team to solve this problem because once it’s set up, they’ll be the one to keep it clean. Once your teen has bought in, you can use the guidance below to help with your teen’s room design.
Your teen’s bedroom is such an important part of their identity. It’s their core environment that they have total control over, and it should be their safe space. For this reason, it’s essential that your teen loves their room and feels that it reflects who they are. A great way to get your teen started in keeping their room clean is to help them create a space that they want to take care of. Talk with your teen about their dream room. You can shop together, look at Pinterest, create vision boards, or whatever feels fun and motivating. While you might not be able to add every item your teen might want, you’ll be amazed what new bedding, wall art, and a fresh coat of paint can do. When your teen loves their space and feels connected to it, they’ll feel more motivated to keep it looking nice.
If your teen shares a room, the same rules apply! In this case, make sure each sibling or roommate has a designated space in the room that is wholly theirs. Allow them to decorate this space as they wish, and embrace the idea that this might mean a room that is half pastel pink with flowers and half bright red with flames and pictures of cars. There are great examples on Pinterest to make split rooms still feel relaxing, but it’s important that your teen has their own space that is a reflection of their personality.
The easiest way to keep a room clean is to ensure that every single item has a designated place. Many teens (and adults) will default to an item’s designated place being “on my desk” or “on my dresser.” While there are many examples of attractive room setups with items displayed on these surfaces, for those who struggle with organization, these surfaces will quickly become cluttered and chaotic. For this reason, the easiest way to keep a room organized is to give all alike items a bin (or basket, box, etc.) and keep every surface free of individual items.
When buying bins or baskets, buy more than you think you’ll need, because it’s always good to have extras around. Make sure each bin has a distinct purpose. A bin for “miscellaneous items” is typically not a good idea. Have a bin for hair styling items. A separate one for makeup. One for drawing supplies and a separate one for crochet tools and yarn. When every item has a designated place, it is much easier to return items back where they go without stress or overthinking. Additionally, invest in bins that your teen likes. While it might be tempting to buy the clear bulk pack from Amazon, if your teen hates how they look, the end result won’t give them the sense of calm you’re looking for. Pick out bins or baskets together, or, for more artistic teens, consider buying boxes to paint.
Once your child’s items have been sorted into bins, it’s important to help them keep the items that way. Once they’re living in their new space, it can be easy to quickly throw an eraser into their hair bin and a bag of candy into their art supply bin until each bin is just an unorganized bin of items. To help your child keep the items in the proper bins, and find items more easily, visual reminders of what items are where are extremely helpful. Depending on your child’s preference and level of need, color coding and labeling can both be effective techniques.
Labeling each bin is the simplest and easiest way to help your child keep things in their proper place and find them easily. However, some teens might be resistant to the idea of labeling. Whether it’s because they say “I don’t need that” or because the idea of over-organization feels stressful to them, if your teen is highly resistant to labeling their bins, you shouldn’t force it on them. A supportive alternative you might suggest is color coding. In this case, you will want to have bins of a few colors and house related items in them. For example, perhaps all hobby-related items are in red bins, but one is for model cars, one is for drawing, and one is for gaming attachments. You might then place all hygiene-related items in green bins, having one green bin for hair grooming, one for makeup, and one for general cleanliness items like deodorant and toothpaste. Color coding can be extremely helpful because it will give your child visual cues both to put their items in the right place and to find them when they need it.
Dresser drawers are often a huge source of stress and disorganization for teens. They might struggle to keep their clothes folded and continue to shove items in drawers, leading to wrinkled clothing and disorganized items that are hard to find. If your child struggles with keeping their dresser drawers organized, you might consider hanging all of their clothes, or as many as possible. Placing clothes on hangers will keep them neater and all of the clothes your child has available to them will be visible at all times, reducing overwhelm around getting ready. Because visual cues are so helpful to those struggling with Executive Functioning, placing clothes where they can see them, and creating the visual reminder that clothes should be hung, will help them keep their clothes clean.
Depending on space and the layout of your child’s room, you might need to consider variations of this idea. You’ll probably want to keep undergarments and socks in drawers or bins (separate ones!). If there is not enough closet space to hang everything else, you might consider putting pajamas, workout clothes, or lounging clothes in drawers as well. The goal here is to keep as few things in drawers as possible, so that drawers never become overfull. It’s also important that each drawer has its designated purpose that is clear and defined. A T-shirt drawer is much easier to keep straight than a “comfort clothes” drawer, where your child is left wondering if sweatpants should go with comfort clothes or sleepwear.
If your child struggles with Executive Functioning, having a trash bin in their room is not going to be sufficient to keep their room trash-free. However, if their room does not have a trash bin, buying one is a great start! From there, you’ll want to develop a system with your child on emptying the trash bin. There are a few different ways you can do it, depending on what works for your family and your teen. If your family keeps any short of visual chore chart, simply add “empty bedroom trash” to your child’s list. If your child keeps a planner or calendar, ask them to add “empty bedroom trash” on the same day each week (every Monday perhaps).
Setting a reminder in their phone can also be useful. You might help your teen set an alarm that goes off every Sunday at 8PM, reminding them to empty their bedroom trash. Although a reminder from you can be helpful, it’s the least likely to result in your child taking ownership of the task and remembering independently. Whatever approach you choose, try to prioritize your child’s independence and owning the task to avoid relying on you. Not only will this approach help your child develop the habit, but it’s one less stressor on you!
Much like the scheduled trash removal, help your child schedule a regular time, using the same techniques, to tidy up their room. If they can devote ten minutes once per week to placing items back where they belong, it’s unlikely to get out of hand. However, if they do not schedule a regular time that they can commit to, they are unlikely to take initiative to tidy up with regularity. Scheduling this regular time will help keep their room cleaner and help them avoid the overwhelm that comes with a room that’s gotten out of hand.
This last tip is perhaps more for you than your child. A room that sets your child up for success will undoubtedly remove barriers to staying organized. However, your child still has to make the active choice to follow these systems. As a parent, you can support your child in keeping up with these systems to some extent, but as your teen grows older and exerts more control over their own decisions, there are limits to what you can do. The result is that even with perfect systems and supports in place, your child might not always choose to follow through and they might still end up with a messy room.
In this case, it’s essential to focus on “progress not perfection.” Is your child generally keeping things a little cleaner than they used to? If so, it’s a win. Always celebrate the growth of your child and remind yourself that even a teen without Executive Functioning deficits might choose to have a messy room. Be sure to focus on supporting your child’s independence and their growth, and always celebrate the progress they make. And, of course, if their room gets out of hand, offer them support in getting it back to a state from which they can begin to maintain it again.
Some teens need more support than others when it comes to organization and other Executive Functioning difficulties. While parents can do a lot to support their child, sometimes they might need an expert to help. YA Success Coach offers 1-1 coaching sessions for teens to support them in building systems that are supportive to their unique needs and centered around building independence for long-term success. If you think your child might benefit from more specialized support in Executive Functioning, contact me today to learn about the different options available.
Having a conversation is the first step to helping your child realize their full potential and set them up for success!